The Royal Order of the Benevolent Society of the Tiara
Telemarketers are the bane of my existence. I have caller ID and do not answer “unknown” or “blocked” calls, but still they make my phone ring at the most inopportune times.
My daughter and her family recently took time off to visit Disney World. Melanie said she’d call me when they got down the road a bit. Sometimes my caller ID displays cell phones as “unknown,” and since the kids were on the road, I didn’t want to take any chances of missing the call. About an hour after they left, the phone rang. Even though the display showed an unknown caller, I answered just in case. The conversation went something like this.
“Hello?”
“LONNYE?”
Big sigh on my end. I was caught. ”Yes.”
“LONNYE, THIS IS MARK!”
“Who?”
“THIS IS MARK YURICK! HOW IN THE WORLD ARE YOU?”
“I’m fine, Mr. Yurick, but…”
“GREAT, LONNYE! LISTEN, I’M WITH THE ROYAL ORDER OF THE BENEVOLENT SOCIETY OF THE METROPOLITAN POL…”
“Mr. Yurick, have we met?”
“NO, NO!” Insert convivial laughter. “WE’VE NEVER MET, LONNYE, BUT I…”
“Well, then, Mr. Yurick, if we’ve never met, why do you think you have the right to call me by my first name?”
“LONNYE,” nervous laughter this time. “I’M MARK YURICK WITH THE ROYAL OR…”
“I understand that, Mr. Yurick. I happen to be a member of the Royal Order of the Benevolent Society of the Tiara myself. I prefer to be addressed as Your Highness, but for some reason, I cannot convince anyone of that status. Therefore, I will grudgingly accept Ms. Pearson.”
“OH, LONNYE!” Very nervous laughter. “I’M CALLING TO INFORM YOU OF…”
“Mr. Yurick. If you do not stop shouting at me and address me by my appropriate title, I will be forced to consider you a rude and incompetent oaf who must be completely brain dead. In that case, we would have nothing further to discuss, would we?”
“I…I…”
“That’s what I suspected, Mr. Yurick. Please remove my name and number from your calling list. If you will excuse me, I have rhinestones to polish. The Royal Order of the Benevolent Society of the Tiara is having its annual Sweet Tea tomorrow and my tiaras have fallen into abominable disrepair since I had to let my girl go after she pinched a precious faux diamond brooch. I bid you good evening, Mr. Yurick."
© Lonnye Sue Pearson, 2005
A Mississippi Delta native, Lonnye Sue Sims Pearson teaches English to eager eighth graders in Wayne County, North Carolina. Her work has been published at http://www.usadeepsouth.com/, where she is Associate Editor, as well as http://www.asouthernjournal.com/ and in the Mississippi magazine Tombigbee Country.
Three highly active grandchildren and a neurotic dachshund keep Ms. Pearson busy, but she is sporadically working on her first novel and a humorous cookbook.
Contact Ms. Pearson at deltamiss2002@yahoo.com.
My daughter and her family recently took time off to visit Disney World. Melanie said she’d call me when they got down the road a bit. Sometimes my caller ID displays cell phones as “unknown,” and since the kids were on the road, I didn’t want to take any chances of missing the call. About an hour after they left, the phone rang. Even though the display showed an unknown caller, I answered just in case. The conversation went something like this.
“Hello?”
“LONNYE?”
Big sigh on my end. I was caught. ”Yes.”
“LONNYE, THIS IS MARK!”
“Who?”
“THIS IS MARK YURICK! HOW IN THE WORLD ARE YOU?”
“I’m fine, Mr. Yurick, but…”
“GREAT, LONNYE! LISTEN, I’M WITH THE ROYAL ORDER OF THE BENEVOLENT SOCIETY OF THE METROPOLITAN POL…”
“Mr. Yurick, have we met?”
“NO, NO!” Insert convivial laughter. “WE’VE NEVER MET, LONNYE, BUT I…”
“Well, then, Mr. Yurick, if we’ve never met, why do you think you have the right to call me by my first name?”
“LONNYE,” nervous laughter this time. “I’M MARK YURICK WITH THE ROYAL OR…”
“I understand that, Mr. Yurick. I happen to be a member of the Royal Order of the Benevolent Society of the Tiara myself. I prefer to be addressed as Your Highness, but for some reason, I cannot convince anyone of that status. Therefore, I will grudgingly accept Ms. Pearson.”
“OH, LONNYE!” Very nervous laughter. “I’M CALLING TO INFORM YOU OF…”
“Mr. Yurick. If you do not stop shouting at me and address me by my appropriate title, I will be forced to consider you a rude and incompetent oaf who must be completely brain dead. In that case, we would have nothing further to discuss, would we?”
“I…I…”
“That’s what I suspected, Mr. Yurick. Please remove my name and number from your calling list. If you will excuse me, I have rhinestones to polish. The Royal Order of the Benevolent Society of the Tiara is having its annual Sweet Tea tomorrow and my tiaras have fallen into abominable disrepair since I had to let my girl go after she pinched a precious faux diamond brooch. I bid you good evening, Mr. Yurick."
© Lonnye Sue Pearson, 2005
A Mississippi Delta native, Lonnye Sue Sims Pearson teaches English to eager eighth graders in Wayne County, North Carolina. Her work has been published at http://www.usadeepsouth.com/, where she is Associate Editor, as well as http://www.asouthernjournal.com/ and in the Mississippi magazine Tombigbee Country.
Three highly active grandchildren and a neurotic dachshund keep Ms. Pearson busy, but she is sporadically working on her first novel and a humorous cookbook.
Contact Ms. Pearson at deltamiss2002@yahoo.com.
posted by Allyn Evans at 5:37 PM
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